誰が私の気持ちを揺さぶる？

Photo by Rad Pozniakov on Unsplash

もし私が健康で、どこも悪いところがなければ、

人が私を怒らせたり、落ち込ませたり、冷静にさせたりするのではなく

私自身が、自分のそんな気持ちを作り出しているんだ。

そんな感情が湧くようなことを考えることで、

気持ちは変化する。

心地よく行きたいなら、

事実に基づいて考える習慣をつけ

考えていることが、自分をゴールに押しやってくれることを確認して、

そう考えることで、自分が感じたい感情が湧いてくるかを常にチェックする。

誰もあなたの感情を揺さぶることはできない。

すべては自分。

認知行動療法士こころのダンス

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Who Makes You Upset?  Your Boss?

My boss is terribly busy.  She has overseen many responsibilities at my workplace.  Therefore, she sometimes forgets the detailed in our past meetings, resulting in blaming me not to understand what she instructed to me.  I am proud of my memorizing skills so I can't accept her pointing out.  And then, we are frustrated, and I feel irritated and disappointed.  "My boss made me angry!  I have been a hard worker since I was hired!  She made me miserable!  (silence)  Do you think it is true that my boss made me upset?   No.  My boss doesn't make me upset.  So who makes me upset?  I am explaining your cognitive-behavioral system in the following. 

First, it is a simple principle that negative thinking produces negative emotion, positive thinking makes positive feeling, and it is easy to forget thought, neutral thinking which is the middle between the negative and positive causes neutral emotion.  You can experience those three kinds of emotions.  For instance, when I think in a way, "My boss doesn't trust me!  She doubts me because she dislikes me!",  my thoughts produce negative feelings such as anger and disappointment.  If I consider in a way that "Oh, that's good!  I have been fed up with her and this job.  It is a good timing that I am going to change my career with better work condition!"  As a result, I feel happy and excited because I take an advantage of the situation.  As for neutral thinking case, when I'd like to keep working at the workplace, I need to handle my negative feelings with my boss to avoid unnecessary conflict.  I can think, "My boss is too busy to remember every detail in all the meetings.  Therefore, I just make sure of her points that I have to avoid making a mistake again.  My explanation might not be easy for my boss to follow; therefore, I will prepare well before talking to her.  I will be assertive at the same time.  The thoughts lead to feeling calm and cool, which put myself in a best position.   (pause)  My boss does not make me upset.  "I" make myself upset and miserable with my thinking.  

Secondly, how can you think to avoid making yourself upset?  It is simple.  You think a thing based on fact.  Please ask yourself " Is my thinking base on fact?" It is the first and most significant of all the three tips for making yourself in balance.  Then, next tip is to ask yourself "Does my thinking help me achieve my goals?"  What is my goal when i talk to my boss?  It is to go forward my tasks with her advice.  If I get angry and claimed her memory matter in a strong way, can I work on my tasks smoothly?  No.  I need to be confirmed and proceed to a further plan.  A famous woman said that the wrong thing is not to say."  It is not true.  It depends on your goal at the situation.  The last tip to think rationally is to ask yourself "Does my thinking help me feel the way I want to feel?"  What kinds of feeling do you experience every day.  Always happy?  I think it is not realistic because our lives are like voyage.  It includes both sunny days and rainy, stormy days, especially you are responsible for many roles as you get older.  Therefore, you want to get back to the middle of between negative and positive feelings when falling down to the negative emotional world.  By replace negative thoughts with  alternative thoughts, you can come up to the surface and release your tensions.  As for my boss, I learned that one of staff who was quit the company had talked with her about the same subject as I talked.  The staff and I am the similar position; therefore, the boss might be confused me with that staff in discussion.  As I understand that she doesn't dislike me, I think that she might overlap me with former staff, and then I feel relieved.  The three tips how to check out on our thoughts are introduced by Dr. Also Pucci, an American Psychologist.  

                   

Who makes you upset?  Your boss?  Your spouse?  Your love?  Your parents?  Or Your friends?  When you are healthy, without any physical and neurological problems, your thoughts can make your negative, positive and neutral feelings.  Nobody can make you upset.  You can do.  If you want to feel calm, just you can change a way of your thinking to be able to feel calm, based on fact.  Does your thinking help you to achieve your goals? If yes, you already go on the right truck to handle yourself and your life.