母が歳を取っていく
母は月に一度くらい私に連絡をよこし、ランチを一緒に食べる。一緒に住んでいたときはそんな感じではなかったが、離れると寂しくなるのか、何かを買ったからとメールをよくくれるようになった。
幸いなことに、母はまだとても元気で、とても70歳後半とは見えない。60代でも通ると思う。ただ、時は確実に立っていて、話している内容や動きが以前に比べて衰えてきていることがわかる。
もし介護が必要になれば、理想的には家で面倒を見て、公的サービスと私的にヘルパーさんを頼んで仕事と両立したいと思っている。しかしどうなるかは、実際に直面してみなければわからない。
多くの大人になった子供たちが、両親が老いて変わっていく姿を見たくなくて、現実を見ないで年老いた両親に反応したり、避けたりするらしい。
私の母は、母の父（私の祖父）が大好きだった。ハンサムで品があって、剣道や華道をたしなみ、優しかったという。ところが、妻（祖母）が認知症になり世話をしているうちに、ストレスで認知症になり、先に逝ってしまった。認知症になってからは、昔の素敵な祖父は消え、ものとられ妄想が出て、銀行から何千万もお金をおろして自宅に置いていたらしい。また、認知症で口の悪い祖母を殴ったりもしたらしい。母は、「地獄を見た」と一度だけ言ったことがある。素敵な父の変わり果てた姿。つらかったろう。
もし母が歳をとって変わり果てたら、私はどう反応するのだろう。あまり変わってほしくないが、それが誰にもわからない。まったく別人のようになってしまったら…と思うと怖い。この不安や怖さが、多くの介護者の心に強く起こるのかもしれない。
親の死を実感をもって考えるようになるなんて、私も歳を取ったのだなあ。
******************************************************** English version
Aging mum
My mum has contact me once a month. She comes near my place once per week so we have lunch at times.
Fortunately, she doesn't look her age, around 80 years old. She looks in her sixties. Getting weigh has not affected her appearance. However, her behavior is slowing down than before, the cognitive function is reducing year by year.
Many people have become caregivers in the World as well as our country. Most of them are not willing to see their parents growing smaller and deteriorating in any function. Therefore, some denied it and avoid facing the aging parents and their related matters.
I am lucky with my mum being still young and healthy; however, I will be facing the fact that she gets older and smaller year by year and ultimately, she will look different, then be lost.
I can't imagine that day will come. Actually, we had a relationship with mixed feeling for a long time. Because of her hardship she could not handle it on her own, and it has affected her kids, me and my sibling. Recently, she has been making a great effort to rebuild our relationship, which makes me surprised. It seems that she might rush for reconciliation with her children because of her limited life.
My mum experienced her loved father's change who had totally changed due to the dementia. He was handsome, gentle, smart, classy, etc. according to mum. However, after taking care of his wife, mum's mother with dementia, he suffered from dementia due to that stress and changed. He withdrew all the money of him from the bank since he was thinking somebody stole it. He hit his wife during care-giving as his wife spoke to him in a bad manner. My mum said once she saw the hell because her most loved father had completely been a different person.
I feel a bit anxious the days will come and interested how I will react to it.
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